Pushing the limits

"Do one thing every day that scares you"

     -Eleanor Roosevelt

Reading the book "my year with Eleanor" has brought on a lot of self evaluation lately. Being vulnerable is a fear of mine.... so Eleanor, let's do this :-)

I've realized I'm afraid to push and test my limits. I can't believe I'm saying that out loud.

New city

100 miles

A few years ago I made a goal to get out of my comfort zone in life and experience new things.... things that scared me. I started auditioning for musicals again, I moved to a new city, and pushed to farther running distances. I felt like I was accomplishing my goal. I was pushing outside of my comfort zone, but I was still "playing it safe."

Ready for a musical promo

Don't get me wrong, I love what I have done and it did take effort. Not everything has been easy and I surely had fears along the way.

But what happens when you realize that even though you're outside of the comfort zone, you're still only pushing to be "good enough" instead of great? What if fear of failure is hindering the journey to reaching your full potential?

These are questions I find myself thinking about often. How do you test your limits? How do you push beyond "good enough?"

** Thanks Kendahl for the book recommendation!!

Farmdale Trail Run

Jogging stroller for the pupcakes

It's been a long time since my last post. Things have definitely been a whirlwind of change in my life. New city... new schedule.... new job. All great things, but to be completely honest, my training has suffered a bit in the process. I worked to get in my speed workouts but I knew my strength training was hit or miss.

Living out of a suitcase = lots of lists

I planned on Farmdale Trail Run 30M as my fall goal race. I wanted to see how I could do in a 30 mile event as a race. I've ran 30ms and 50ks but always as training runs for distances even farther. I signed up for the race prior to the new job and knowing fully what my new position would entail.

I love my new work situation. I get to travel, work with teachers, and give professional development sessions on an awesome data and assessment solution tool. But.... it turns out the week prior to the race I was traveling to 3 different trainings. I was in North Dakota the Monday before the race. Central Illinois the Wednesday and then north western Illinois on the Friday. These all included an overnight stay and all day in heels! Needless to say I was worried about the race.

I knew I wanted to go out and run hard and have fun.... didn't know what the outcome would be, especially with the week leading up to the race, but I was definitely ready for some quiet time in the woods.

Pre-Race

As soon as I finished up my training sessions in Rocton, IL, I jumped in the car and headed down to East Peoria. I got to the race site in about 2 1/2 hours. The packet pickup was at the start/finish line area at Famdale Resevior. The volunteers were wonderful and packet pickup was a breeze. I took a little bit of time to explore part of the course because I had never been in the area before. Being at the park made me feel excited for the next day ahead.

Then I left to grab dinner and check into the hotel (which is becomming quite routine these days). I believe in good signs and I saw a sign that reminded me of my IRUN4 buddy Lucy. I knew it was going to be a good race.

Pre race start/finish
line area

Cozy fire pit

The next morning I got to the race site with about 30 min prior to the start time. It was a chilly morning but the fire pits were going and easy to stay warm. Promptly at 7:00 the 30M runners were sent off (50 and 100 mile runners had already been on course for a couple hours). The course consisted of 3 10 mile loops.

Loop 1

The first loop runners stayed pretty clumped together. The first loop I wanted to just feel out the course. I had studied the course description and map but there wasn't an elevation profile. The pack was running pretty steadily on the single track, tackling the hills pretty easily. There were only a handful of pretty steep climbs that required hiking. Cougar hill was the worst and I'm not going to lie, I had to use my hands to get up! The good thing about this hill was that the 1/2 way aid station was at the top of the hill so it was a great motivator to get up the thing! The course had a good mix of terrain: single track, gravel, prairie grass, roots, and even a couple creek crossings to get your feet wet. It also a lot of sections that were down hill.* I didn't feel like I was running too hard or too conservatively on this loop, I was just trying to see what I was getting into for the day. I would say I was somewhere mid pack. I came into the start/finish line aid station at about 2 hours. I quickly refilled my water bottles and changed into a new shirt. (the morning started off pretty chilly but warmed up quickly on the course)

Loop 2

Runners started to spread out loop 2. I would hear other runners talking or come upon someone but I enjoyed the quiet. It allowed me to focus on my running. What I started to notice was that I wasn't afraid of the down hill sections... and this course had a good amount of decline! It felt awesome. In fact, I started to laugh about how much fun I was having running DOWNHILL!!! Since I had already ran the loop once, I started to picture what was coming up by landmarks and that helped to push but the hills felt more daunting and I knew I had slowed down. The main landmarks that stuck out to me on this loop were: the creek, switchback hill, prairie grass section, cougar hill/aid station, rocky downhill, more prairie grass, the road, pines, easy trail, and finish line. I met a couple runners on this loop and chatted for bit to pass the time. I however noticed that I kept seeing 2 ladies running together. I would pass them on the downhill sections and aid stations (they lingered for a bit) and then they would catch me on the climbs. But I kept telling myself, you're fine... run your own race, you still have an entire loop. As soon as I got into the start/finish line area, I knew I wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible and try to get a good distance out from the ladies! (loop 2 took about 2:25)

Loop 3 

The last loop. This was fun because I could pass a landmark and think "this is the last time I'll cross this little foot bridge, or run through this creek, or climb this stinking "mountain!" (it's amazing how hills turn into mountains in the later miles of races)" And of course on the switchback hill, which zig-zagged up, the ladies caught me and passed. I was discouraged by that but thought there was still race miles left and I could catch them. I was loving the downhills and they were running these more tentatively. I was on a nice downhill section, had the ladies in my sights and ugh.... caught a tree root and just bit it. Fell so hard the ladies stopped, turned around to make sure I was ok. They were so kind to stop and see if I needed help. When I fell, I must have tensed my whole body up because my legs cramped as I was laying in the dirt. I knew I was ok but couldn't get up right away. I assured the ladies that nothing major was wrong and they went on their way. I got up, dusted myself off and continued on my way. I was ticked.... tears were welling up because the cramping wasn't going away. I would run a few steps and the right calf would twinge/cramp. Then I'd continue on for a bit and the quads would scream; I wanted to scream too. Amazingly I got to the half way aid station as the ladies were leaving. I joked to the volunteer that of course I fell because I chose to wear my pretty white socks to a trail event! I thanked him for his time and grabbed a salty boiled potato slice hoping that would help with the cramping legs. I knew at this point I still had about 5 miles to go and had no clue if I could keep with the ladies or how far behind the rest of the runners were. I just knew I had to keep moving. I had the ladies in my sights, it was a downhill section, and something in me panicked. I stayed behind them, when I knew I could pass. I'm not sure if it is because they were so kind when I fell that I felt bad passing, or the fear of them passing me right back. Whatever it was, I didn't make the move. I let them continue on in front. I finished the race 2 minutes behind the ladies and 8th female overall. I was happy with the top ten finish, but disappointed in that I didn't push harder.

Post race:

Lots of cramping, banged up legs and arms from the fall, awesome finishers rock that was mailed to Lucy, new pair of shoes that I won in a raffle!!!, and the drive to run better, race harder, and live up to my full potential.

Take Aways:

-Continue to work on hill training for late in the race climbs
-Downhill running was a success in this race. It was the first time I had fun running down hill!
-Salt tabs are important even in shorter distance;probably could of had that and maybe it would have helped with the cramping
-Meeting new people is fun, but having a familiar face at a race can be a motivator (felt lonely at this one)
-Falls happen, work on mentally recovering faster.



*I have always said that I'm a terrible downhill runner. I just feel out of control running downhill and I tend to over-break leading to definite quad fatigue.

* Is it normal or common to be afraid of your full potential? I found myself doubting the great things that I could be. If I'm being completely honest with myself, this is something I do in my non running life too. If you have ever felt this way, how did/do you cope with that. How do you push past your fears and let your full potential come to fruition?

Meeting my Inspiration: Lucy's Birthday Party

Happiest of birthdays to sweet Lucy!

If you read my last post, you know that I had the chance to meet my running buddy Lucy. Let me just say..... it was awesome! Please bear with me on this post as I am filled with so many emotions from this trip and it's hard to put those feelings into words. So, here we go.... 

Steve and I headed up to Wisconsin mid Saturday morning to make the 3 hour trip for Lucy's birthday party. I had her gift and medals (including my first 100 mile belt buckle) in tow. We chatted and listened to music along the way and time flew by. We even got in town early enough to stop for a sweet treat per Barb's suggestion. (Reminder: Barb is Lucy's incredible mom)

Gillies Raspberry Sundae

I got caught trying to sneak a pic

When we got there, I had butterflies in my tummy. I mean I felt like I already knew Barb and Lucy through our year of letters, packages, posts, etc.... but I was suddenly scared to MEET. I know that sounds crazy but I always try to fully put out there my thoughts/feelings... so I was afraid this sweet and feisty girl that I have thought of daily wouldn't like me. Luckily as soon as we rang the doorbell we were greeted so warmly and with welcome arms! Lucy and Barb even made a running gift for me! It was her birthday and I'm getting gifts?!?!?! 

New display for bibs and medals :)

Everyone we met (friends, grandparents, relatives) said: "You're the runner! Wow"
But I couldn't help but think: Yes I run; I do the easy part. Watching Barb, her husband Noah, and family care for Lucy all the while throwing a fabulous Lady and the Tramp themed 6th birthday party took my breath away. They did it all with smiles and kind words to everyone! If you want to read more about Lucy's story and the day-to-day challenges of living with and caring for someone with SMA please check out Barb's blog:
 http://www.lucyshopeforacure.blogspot.com/

Yes, I was there to meet Lucy face to face for the first time, but I was also just another visitor at her birthday party!It felt so normal and natural to be at the party and I enjoyed watching all the hustle and bustle in the house. Lucy's friends came out in full force and it was awesome to see. 

I was honored to pass over my medals and belt buckle. I have the memories from the runs  and that's enough. If the medals can bring Lucy a smile or giggle when they clink together it means more  for her to have them than me. 

When I first signed up with I Run 4 I never expected the connection would be so special. I thought it would be a fun experience to give more of what the world needs, but I just cannot put into words how incredible it has been for me. 

I think Barb, Lucy, and family are STRONG and courageous, kind and AMAZING. I am honored to run for Lucy and my goal for our upcoming years together is to help increase awareness for Spinal Muscular Atrophy. Lucy inspires me because she continues to push through daily struggles and live life to her fullest! 

I think Lucy liked when we all sang happy birthday the best! 

I Run 4 Lucy.... and now I get to meet her

So for a little over a year, I've ran for the organization I Run 4. This group pairs runners and families with exceptional children to connect, share, and support through the adventures of life and running. This sounded perfect for me. I was paired on April 25th, 2014 with an awesome little girl named Lucy. Lucy has spinal muscular atrophy type 1. This is the most sever type of SMA but that doesn't stop her from being a feisty daddy's girl! Over the year I have dedicated all of my runs and races to Lucy because, if she could, she'd be running around too. Her mom, Barb is a fabulous mom with crafting skills to be envious of! She keeps me updated on Lucy's progress and fun activities and I let Lucy in on all my training runs, races, ups, and downs. Even though we haven't physically met, I like to think we have a special connection. Now on our 1 year "matchiversary" I ran my first 100 miler and I thought of Lucy often to keep me moving forward. I run because she can't.... I run 4 Lucy! When I finished, we earned a belt buckle and I knew I just had to make the trip to meet her and deliver this buckle in person. Well..... the time has come! I will get to attend Lucy's 6th birthday party next weekend!!!! I am beyond excited. I feel so blessed to know this family and I will actually get to meet her in PERSON!

Stay tuned for more updates from my trip to Lucy!!!!!

If you're interested in more information about the I Run 4 organization, check out their website:
http://www.whoirun4.com/

Info on SMA:
http://www.smafoundation.org/about-us/

http://www.lucyshopeforacure.blogspot.com/    (All about Lucy!)

My first loss

Well.... when I initially finished my 100 miler I thought for sure I was going to lose a toenail. I had a pretty big blister under the big toenail and kicking a tree root in the night didn't help. When I finally took my socks and shoes off it wasn't a pretty sight. But as the days and weeks went on the nail seemed like it was going to survive. Sure it wasn't exactly pretty but it was still there.

But, last night I felt a weird pull as I turned over in the bed. I sat up and said.... My nail fell off. I didn't even need to check, I just knew. And sure enough, the nail was gone.

I kind of expected to lose a nail at some point in my running life and I guess post 100 miler is about a good a time as any. I know... I know... who wants to read a post about a lost toenail, but this is the reality of my running experience. Aren't you glad I didn't put pictures though :) if you want to see my poor little toe, comment below and just maybe....

Run on my friends, even if your nails fall off.

Girls on the Run: an Impromptu 5k

Not only do I love running, but I love supporting other runners! So when a former student's parent told me her daughter was running her first 5K I knew I had to be there. Layevska was planning on running the Girls on the Run event at the Chicagoland Speedway in Joliet. It was just under an hour drive to get there and parked. Spectating is fun and I wore running clothes and a jacket because I knew rain was a big possibility. Once I was parked, Mrs. Molina Limas and I  messaged back and forth to coordinate a meet up. I saw her, her husband, and two younger girls first. Layevska rode with her girls on the run teammates on the bus. Mrs. Molina Limas was dressed to run her first 5k! I was so happy to see her. We hugged and she said that it was great that I was going to be there right along with Layevska. I quickly realized I was wanted as a runner!!!! How cool is that?! I didn't want to take away from her first 5k by joining in, but that is exactly the way I could best support.

Luckily the race had race day registration (that wasn't cash only)! It worked out perfectly, within 5 minutes I was registered, bibbed, and ready to go. We found the girls in the holding area. I was greeted with a huge smile and hug. With about 10 minutes to go we had plenty of time for a pre-race photo and chat. She was a little nervous but in awesome spirits. I asked her what her goal was: to run the whole thing! (oh yea.... we got this)

As we moved up to the starting line, the sky stared growing darker. We knew rain was coming but didn't know how much. Layevska and I were planning on running the whole race and Mrs. Molina Limas gave us her blessing to do just that! She was going to go her own pace and finish her first 5k too.

After a little pre-race warm up, we were sent on our way. We all three started off together, but Layevska was ready to run. We were quickly passing people and setting a good pace. There was a quick little section that was an out and back. That was nice because we could cheer on her mom. I told Layevska wow... your mom looks great. She's running her first 5k. She quickly responded with "she's really strong. She'll do it!"
I was smiling from that moment on.

The rain came within the first 1/2 mile. First just little sprinkles but soon was a full on rain. We chitchatted and ran steady to the first aid station. Grabbed some water and kept moving. We had a goal to accomplish. The rain was really coming down but Layevska's spirits were up. She was so happy to be out running. I kept looking over at her and filling up with joy to see her doing so well. The rain however was making her beautiful tutu heavy. She decided to take it off and so I grabbed it from her to lighten her load.

The route was one loop around the Chicagoland Speedway. Before I even realized we were at mile 2 and on the back side of the building. I knew this race would go by too quickly! With only a mile to go, Layevska started picking up speed. She was looking for holes to pass others and running really well. If she was tired, nobody knew! She was on it! We came into the finish shoot just as they were announcing "the event is cancelled... seek shelter now"

We quickly got under the picnic shelter and waited for her mom to cross the finish line. She came in shortly after.... also all smiles!!! Not only did they finish their first 5K.... they did it in a monsoon. Now that is what I call bragging rights.

I feel so blessed to have had this opportunity to share in this special experience. This is what I want more of in life. To help, to encourage others to be courageous, to smile in the rain and on the run, and to say yes to life! I only hope I stay open to the experiences and opportunities that are heading my way. 

Huge thank you to Mrs. Molina Limas for allowing me to take part in this event with her beautiful daughter Layevska..... and her hubby for holding all my things!

Layevska: it was an absolute joy to be your teacher many years ago... I am so thankful to see you now; a wonderful growing girl that is setting goals and smashing them! Keep it up. I am so proud of you! 

Sweet (new) Home Chicago

I have felt a need for a change for a while now. Sometimes I neglected the urge for more out of life because I was petrified by the idea of endings and change. I push outside of my comfort zone with running all the time. New goals, new distances, new terrains.... but I struggle with change in my personal and professional life. 

Ping Tom Memorial Park, Chinatown

My husband and I had been contemplating a move to downtown Chicago (he's been commuting for years) and finally I said "what is holding me back? If it's fear of the unknown/change it's just not a good enough reason anymore" 

Needless to say.... we've made the move! We are now living in the South Loop! I'm excited for this new time in our life. To be completely honest it's that butterflies in your belly kind of excitement. I know I'll find my peace exploring the running paths. It will give me time to settle my thoughts from the past and move forward. Plus it will give me time to find fun little spots to visit when I have company (family and friends.... this is your cue) in town.  

I'm not sure what this year will bring, but I am open to the NEW: the different, hard, scary, awesome... new! 

Loving the view on a cloudy day

Indiana Trail 100: "Get me to the Dawn and I'll finish!"

 

 

Bill and I on a training run
I got ZERO pics of us on course

Once night came, it got cold.... and really dark. I was starting loop 5 in complete darkness. Bill (my brother-in-law) was up for pacing and he headed out into the dark. I was excited to have some new energy as I was getting tired. Bill was awesome. We laughed, sang, talked, and did a lot of WALKING. The mud was really taxing in the dark. I think the night was playing with my brain too. I was afraid to run thinking I would fall with each step. I kept apologizing for going slow, especially when we could see our breaths, but Bill was easy going and said it was all good. I was still doing well with my nutrition and hydration. Getting all the water, gels, and salt tabs in between aid stations (Thanks to the alarm on Bill's phone!) and then grabbing hot food from the aid station tents. Every time I took a gel I would ask Bill if he wanted half. He never took one, but did snack on unwrapped starbursts.... I may have had a few too! I think I laughed more with Bill than anyone else on the course.

The mud was so awful and slippery.... I may have gone down once but Bill's several close calls gave me several close calls in the accident department (I know... TMI, but this is the reality of lack of sleep, falling in mud, laughter, and proper hydration) Along with the mud, we were also dealing with several "lakes" along the course. Bill and I took to naming the new lakes in the Chain O'Lakes Park. I hate to admit that some of the names aren't quite appropriate for this blog. Use your imagination and I'm sure you're on the right track. We kept seeing the crew: schoolhouse out, rally camp (half way), schoolhouse in, and start/finish. Each time I smiled, but said this is really far, the mud sucks, or I'm good but tired. I am forever grateful for Bill. I know this was outside his comfort zone and he did it for ME. Wow, I'm a lucky sister-in-law! Famous last words from Bill as we headed into the start/finish area after loop 5: "There isn't anyone else I would have done this for!"  I simply replied, "thanks so much, I just hope you aren't too sore or blistered"

I couldn't believe I was ready for loop 6... the final loop! I had completed eighty-some miles, I'm sure I couldn't have told you the exact number then so I won't do the math now. I went into the start-finish line tent and grab the last bag of supplies to keep moving. My family, of course, was there but I quickly said hello, that all my fuel/hydration/plan was going well, but I needed to keep moving. Steve, my husband, was pacing for the last loop. I wasn't sure if he would be able to go the whole way, but he was willing to give it a go since we figured there would be a good amount of walking. We headed out into the dark.... again. I had been on the course now for about 23 hours. It was cold and dark and I was beat. Steve put music on his phone and we planned on rocking out to some music to get me through the night. It was still hard to run in most places but we did our best. My theme for the first part of the course was "I need the sun.... I need the dawn." It felt like the sun was never going to rise. I continued to move forward. Running where possible, but mostly walking. 

1/2 through the loop

Then finally..... the dawn.... the beautiful dawn. It made a huge difference mentally. I had energy to run. My right knee was not feeling awesome and the down hills were taking their toll but I would focus on running 100 steps and then walking 100 steps. I kept alternating this as much as possible. When we saw the crew at mile 9 we checked in with Steve (his knees aren't the best and I knew this was a lot for him. He said he was up for the challenge. Yes!!!) My father-in-law, Ralph kept encouraging me to move it along and jog when I could. His words "just jog a little" stuck with me long after seeing them at the aid stations. I laughed about how hard moving forward really was. With this statement coming every time I saw them, I started to worry I was not going to finish within the cut off. I had no clue what time it was, how long I'd been out there, or how long it would take me to get to the finish. I kept pushing the pace as the course seemed to dry up. There was still mud, don't get me wrong, but it was much more runnable in the daylight.

 Once it was daylight we started to see a few other runners as we moved along. We said our hellos and encouraging words and kept pushing on. The music was a great distraction to my aching knee and feet. I knew for sure my feet were going to be raw. I was asked if I needed to change socks and too afraid of what I'd find, I said no each time. I had to keep moving... I had to finish. When We got to school house aid station at mile 14ish it was a relief. I knew this meant I had less than 3 miles to go. The workers had been faithful the entire time and were a part of my journey and success. I wish I would have gotten pictures of the workers because seriously, they were incredible. We hugged, grabbed snacks, and headed out. I was going to make it!!!!





At that point I kept saying... I can't believe I'm running 100 miles!!!! "Steve, I'm going to make it right?" Yes was his response. I quickly followed up with " will pushing it make the difference between a 28 or a 29 in the finish time?" He said that it would and I said lets get it. I picked up the pace again. I was hurting and tired, but motivated. Kyle joined us for a bit and made me feel like stronger was a possibility. It was just the boost I needed. I thought about what this finish meant: an average girl with big dreams... Hard work, support system, precious motivation from my running buddy Lucy, and the awesome community of ultra runners. I cruised into the finish line in 28 hours 11 minutes and 52 seconds.

Tears came when getting the buckle for Lucy. So meaningful!

Fun Facts:

*Jamie and Bill's kiddos were the best cheerleaders on the course.... cowbell included! They crewed, cheered, and napped like champs! So blessed.





Taylor faithful with the cowbell

Kellen still going strong

*Not a single blister thanks to desitin smeared on my feet! I highly recommend it.

*I was so paranoid about not having enough fuel I didn't execute my bag exchange plan properly (I blame exhaustion and paranoia) I ended up with about 5 -6 extra pounds in my hydration vest and a couple in my jacket. I wanted to ditch some to family, but they were outside of the aid stations and I wanted to follow all rules! Next time I'll give this responsibility over to my crew.

*Nutrition: first 50 miles intake was limited to gels, protein bars, salt tabs, and water. Last 50 included the previous list plus hot chicken soup, potato chips, grilled cheese pieces, and a slice of pizza (sorry Michele).... oh and some starburst.

*My mom was a perfect crew captain, her spreadsheet was a great tracking tool to record EVERYTHING that happened throughout the day.

Best Crew EVER!!!!

*Post race nutrition is just as important. I neglected post race and suffered swelling of the legs and feet. I needed to push more fluids post run.

*Fell asleep mid sentence in the car ride home.

* Encouraging letters from friends and family was a huge help! They were pick-me-ups and kicks in the butt when needed! I recommend it for others.

* Indiana Trail 100 offers training runs on the course all year long! What an awesome way to experience the course before race day. This is a top notch event and I will be returning. Mike is WONDERFUL!

Gear:

Road Runner Shorts
I Run 4 Lucy shirt
CEP compression socks
Altra Olympus shoes
Ultimate Direction Jenny Vesta
Carrots lightweight rain jacket
Nike insulated rain jacket
Nike gloves
Hand warmers
Nike hat
Various long sleeved t shirts

Extra Pictures

Awesome RD!!!



Crewing is tiring work

I thought for sure my feet would be tore up....
no blisters and kept all my nails



the mud in the daylight made me feel like
I wasn't too crazy walking most of the night



tired but still moving: about halfway through the lap





I know I could write more.... but sometimes I just can't find the right words so I'll just keep the memories. I encourage you to push out of your comfort zone.... experience, live with big dreams, encourage others, bring people together, and smile!