Pursuing goals and conquering fear

I'll be embarking on my next 50 mile race in a couple weeks (May 10th to be exact) and I must admit I've been a bit fixated on it. I've been planning... plan b-ing.... making lists, and visualizing. This has impacted my training runs and my sleep. I know that sounds odd.... I think it's because I have a specific goal in mind and I tend to put a bit of pressure on myself. Do you ever do that too?

I have had the pleasure of helping some friends see through personal goals themselves and I've smiled and loved every minute... or mile. Yet, fear is closing in as my goal gets closer to reality. Why is it that helping others reach goals is much different than accomplishing your own?

I've run this far before, but races are never guaranteed, especially at this distance. Would anyone think less of me if I were to DNF (did not finish).... I doubt it especially when I had the courage to start. But the brain plays games... especially with a perfectionist.

I hope to be enough.... I hope to smile while accomplishing my goal. But what is the true goal?
             to finish
             to reach out and encourage others
             to enjoy the trail and connect with nature
             to stay tough even when things get hard

What I find with my fear... if I talk myself through all scenarios... if I plan, re-plan, and accept outcomes the fear becomes less. Have you read the story "Henry y el terrible quiensabeque" It's a story where a boy finds a big monster and the more he confronts this scary thing... the smaller it becomes, until it finally disappears. Hopefully this post is me diminishing the "quensabeque" ("what's it")

I will embark on a 50 mile journey. I will have my mom and oldest sister on trail and I will LOVE that I can push my limits. I can smile knowing uncertainty is natural and means I'm not living my comfort zone. I am growing... changing... and testing my limits.

Thank you for accepting me where I'm at in this journey today, fear included. I'll report back in in a couple of weeks. Win, lose, or DNF I will keep pushing past my limits and comfort zone... conquering fear and pursuing my goals.